This week’s meeting left me realizing just how much chastity has shaped my thoughts without me even realizing it. The feeling of being bound spread eagle to your bed after my hood, gag, and posture collar had been placed on me made me think that, yet again, I was going to be forced to spill my mess and reset my body, making it impossible to sleep through the night. Instead, I was given a shorter-term torture. Once a began to feel the cattle prod begin to shock my balls and the inside of my legs, I realized there would be no mess spilled. It actually made me happy knowing I’d still be able to sleep that night despite the pain that came with every shock. I could also hear the joy in your voice as you told me I had no escape from that predicament I was in. The sound of that voice while blindfolded and chained to your bed made me actually like the feeling I was having.
Did I actually like being shocked in sensitive areas over and over? No. I did like knowing that I was providing you with pleasure though. My never-ending hopes that you would induce an orgasm led me to willingly allow myself to be placed in that situation. The fact that you decided to use my hopes against me and instead take all the pleasure for yourself made me not want the shocks to stop. I was serving my purpose like a good slave. I was living my mantra.
You also stated that it was that piece of flesh that put me in that position, and you were right. If I wasn’t locked and completely dependent on you for that form of pleasure, I would never be so willing to subject myself to you to push so many limits. Instead, I find myself experiencing so many new sensations. All of them induce varying levels of subspace and I’ve noticed each comes with it own assignment that forces me to enter further and further into the world as danielle. I’m almost certain the day is coming when that assignment will require me to go somewhere where you’ve told someone that I’m coming. That just a mere selfie for proof that I completed your public assignment won’t be enough. Where some sort of interaction with another human that will report to you to tell you how I did will happen. I’m terrified of that day. It will either show me if I’m passable or just passable enough to run simple errands only. Soon it will be so normalized that I’ll have to say goodbye to my masculine side almost permanently. I’ve already almost completely given up my boy orgasms, it makes me wonder how close I am to losing who I used to be altogether.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
