This week's journal deals with the feelings of being controlled that I have noticed you inducing in me and teaching me to crave them. Up until now, I had been so focused on my femme training and making sure I was learning to make my hair, makeup, and attire as perfect as can be to live up to your expectation that I had never noticed the side things that you were subtly ingraining into me.
Since you first started my body shaping training that initial day with plastic wrap and duct tape I got to feel the subspace that goes along with being confined and constricted. I stayed in that wrap a little longer than I was told as I began to like the feeling and reminder of who controlled me. At the time it was more of a special treat that induced subspace.
Once the corset was introduced it has taken that to another level. Being required to have it on any time I’m working had induced that feeling of control on a pretty consistent basis. Unlike the wrap it is always waiting to go back on the next day instead of being cut off and thrown away. Beneath my clothes that I showed to the word while working I felt constantly controlled…my mantra going through my head. The support of the corset making my walk a little more femme.
Finally this past week another layer was added. Once the corset goes on, I’m now in a dressy uniform that not only has me feeling the control of you underneath, but shows me the control of you in every mirror and reflection of myself that I see. Yes…it’s “boy attire”, but it’s also very form fitting and constructive. It shows off the femme shape due to how it’s worn, but doesn’t make me have to worry about passing while working around people that don’t know about my submissive lifestyle. Every time I see myself in a mirror I have no choice but to be reminded that I’m under your thumb. It’s literally impossible. Not only that, but I come home and fulfill my duty to dress 4 days a week and go right from work attire into danielle clothing. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, I’m mentally reminded, physically reminded, and now visually reminded about whom I serve and who I represent.
Without even seeing it coming, you have taken almost 24/7 control of me (4 days per week). The chastity device, which started as the only reminder, is now just a part of me. That piece of flesh is all but forgotten. Every other reminder you have instilled just makes me crave more constriction and control. I dream of arm binders and cages and shackles and total immobility. I live in a reality of every piece of clothing being chosen for me. If someone in the lifestyle saw what you have turned me into, I am sure they would be jealous of the results of your very skilled training.
My mantra in more than just something I say to myself for a half hour per day now. It truly is my life.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
