Sissy Danielle's Chastity: Wk #13 06/19/2022

 

This week something you texted to me after our in person meeting really resonated with me.  When I apologized for making a mess you said, “I could lay it on thick, but…” and then were totally honest with me about something I was always ashamed of in my own body.

Finding out that my inability to hold my own messes was pretty common kind of made me feel better.  It’s honesty like that from you that makes me totally trust that you have my best interests in mind at all times and not just yours.  While my purpose is to provide you with pleasure, you never take advantage of me at that expense.  When you tell me I’m very passable as a girl, it truly does mean that most other people see a girl when I dress and do my hair and makeup to your specifications.  You aren’t just saying one thing out of one side of your mouth and then pointing and laughing when I’m not looking.  When I go out in public as danielle, Ms Patty’s personal assistant, I can truly feel like the girl you see me as.  I can trust that I really am representing you and making you look good with my appearance and professionalism.  I can begin to look people in the eye and know that you are proud to have me as your girl.

While I still feel bad that my body betrays me and doesn’t let you experience the entertainment you have planned, I don’t think I’ll feel actual shame about it going forward.  It’s just how I’m made.  It would be like feeling shame for not being taller.  I’ve tried for years and years to “fix” it and now knowing it’s just something I have to accept about myself means I can just move forward.  It also means I may not be able to do or accomplish certain things that those without this trait can do, but I can now learn to accept that as well.

It also explained why I’ve had so few true orgasms in my life and why I crave them so terribly.  I never get to the point where my body just loses all control.  I can count those times on maybe 2 hands throughout my life.  The rest of the time I just experience non-pleasurable release.  It means I have to be extra slow and deliberate with myself if I ever want to reach that point.  I have to learn to endure long periods of teasing if I want that feeling.

That sounds like a long hard lesson in and of itself.

In the meantime, I will continue to focus on being the girl that you have turned me into.  I will take pride in being a perfect representative of Ms Patty.

My purpose is to provide my Mistress with obedience and pleasure.