Instead of an in-person meeting, I had a very public assignment this week that pushed me to my mental limits. The funny thing is, it’s an assignment I’ve had before. I was required to dress for work with the pink tie and very obviously femme belt to go with the women’s pants that I’ve been wearing for the last few months now. The difference this time was it wasn’t during pride month as it was the first time, and it wasn’t on the 4th of July as it was the second time when you required me to wear the pink sequin vest too. I had no built in excuse for why I was dressed that way.
The result was me being hypersensitive to every person I encountered or walked by all day. I knew every person I walked by was doing a double take and looking at me over their shoulder, wondering what they just saw. Every male avoided eye contact when they saw me coming. Every woman smiled and said I looked “cute” or said they loved my belt or my collar. All I could do was muster a “thank you”. I’m sure my face was permanently flushed red all day.
When I changed from that outfit into a true femme blouse and blazer and put on heels to take the selfies you required, I actually became less self-conscious. I immediately wasn’t on a mental edge and was left in that subspace that is induced in an extended cage session when I am restrained like a doll or toy that has been secured in its box until you decide to play with it. As I filmed myself going through a drive through, I barely even noticed the people waiting on me. I couldn’t tell you right now who waited on me and if it was a man or a woman, but I wasn’t nervous at all about them seeing me. I hardly feel like I stuck out at all compared to how you had me dress for work.
When you had me channel that subby state into showing you 5 new outfits for future service, I could tell I was on auto pilot as 5 turned into 10 before I even stopped to count.
I can’t wait to return to serve you in person. As always happens when I have to skip a week, the absence makes this sissy heart grow fonder.
