It was so nice to go back to serving you in person again this week. I felt so normal again getting up, dressing in a new outfit that is appropriate to serve in, and reporting for service. The outfit made me feel so confident and sexy at the same time. It just reminded me how far I’ve come where dressing used to feel like just a fetish and now thanks to your conditioning is just the way I’m sure I was meant to exist. I didn’t even feel that self-conscious when I had to stop after leaving at a service station to fill my tires with air. I feel almost passable as long as I don’t need to speak or interact with people.
The actual session didn’t leave me as much in subby mode. Probably due to the lack of restrictive bondage. There was some light subspace reached in the shackles and having your headphones with my hypnotic mantra being forced into my brain under the hood, blindfold, and gag. It made it very close to impossible to respond to commands accurately as the volume of the headphones was loud enough to almost totally cancel any other sound. Knowing that I didn’t perform up to your standards made me a little frustrated and I felt a little “set up to fail”. I’m supposed to obey without hesitation and to anyone looking on I did not. It never occurred to me that you would be ordering me to do things while your headphones are piping your voice into my ears.
Having yet another fluid release out of chastity without feeling any orgasm has brought up questions as well. I’ve begun to wonder if I am able to have them anymore. I’ve gotten so close with the device on. You will bring me so close to the edge and just leave me hanging when applying the vibrator at those times I’m sure would have produced moans of pleasure, then there are other times where no teasing happens you cause a fluid release out of nowhere and I get no pleasure. The closest I’ve come to orgasm in a while has been the feeling of using the diaper in some of my extended caging sessions. This time I was even unlocked from the device and felt no orgasm when I felt the fluid release.
The upside is with no orgasm I’ve not had the “reset effect” where I lose any sleep due to being woken up by my clit filling the cage. I’ve still been able to sleep through the night. It doesn’t change the fact that I can’t wait to one day feel a full orgasm again, and I’m sure once you let it happen, I will moan so loud that it will be a good thing that you have access to gags.
