This past week is one of the reasons I hate Ohio in the winter. The extreme cold pretty much grinds everything to a halt. This of course also included turning our in-person meeting into a FaceTime meeting. While it did put me in a peaceful place for a few hours, without the extreme bondage and the cage or the chains and the breast pumping it didn’t result in nearly the level of subspace I usually reach, and its effects did not stretch nearly as far. I was back to “normal” within about a day and did not get that slutty feeling that I had started feeling pretty much weekly at all.
It was a little nice getting to change into casual femme clothes sooner than usual instead of the usual almost 10 hours I usually am dressed in my personal meeting dress code. It was also nice getting to sleep late and not having to leave my apartment for a full day. That’s something I hadn’t done even once since I moved a few months ago, so there were some positives, but I can say not once this last week (almost two now) have I felt “slutty” where I actively want to do humiliating things just to feel an orgasm. I seem to have now been conditioned to only get those cravings when in person with you.
It’s amazing to think that there was a time that just putting on a skirt made me sexually turned on to the point that I would go pleasure myself and have a true orgasm and now it’s just so I do to feel normal. Now to get that turned on feeling I need that feeling of you forcing that penis gag in and out of my mouth or the feeling of nipple clamps or breast pumps on my nipples or the sound of your voice telling me that I’m going to swallow my entire load. Somehow you have trained these behaviors into me. This is one of the reasons I asked you once if there were subliminal messages in the recording of your voice that you forced into my ears for the last year while you were conditioning my brain in your cage. It’s these weeks off from seeing you where I notice the changes that have occurred in me from the time you started training me to now the most.
This week things get warmer and hopefully don’t return to freezing any time soon. I don’t think my seasonal depression can handle much more of this. I look forward to my continued training and once again being given permission to feel like the slut you seem to be inspiring me to become.
