No meeting with you this week, thus no hope of release. I have become quite used to it, but that weekly teasing, edging, and denial was something I had almost started to need. To have a full week’s break from my conditioning hasn’t exactly broken that desire, but it has allowed me to return to a more “normal” routine where I don’t wake up with a totally subby desire to want to be told how to dress, if I should be kneeling, sitting, or standing, or even if I’m permitted to experience certain senses at that time.
It has reminded me that the femme conditioning that chastity brought upon me still remains, however. I do still dress 5 days per week, and it has become very normalized. It’s only been this this weekend where I’ve been visiting immediate family who don’t know about my training and conditioning that I’ve had my first time in almost 6 months where I’ve gone more than 1 day in a row not dressing femme. I’m currently on day 3 and it feels so strange. The last time this feeling crept through my mind and body was the quick 2 month break you gave me this past winter before we started the corset training and body modifications.
Without the cage time with your chant being repeated into my head, I’ve gone a full week without reaching subspace. I wouldn’t compare this to giving up an unhealthy addiction. It’s more like when you decide to lose a few pounds by fasting and drinking water instead of just eating more responsibly. I would much rather be getting that conditioning weekly, but I sure don’t miss the feeling of a full heavy diaper that has started to come with each meeting after being dismissed from your presence. I know it’s a necessary part of your long-term plan for me, but it has become my least favorite part of that training. The actual release into the diaper feels so good, while the aftermath just feels so uncomfortable.
As this holiday weekend ends and you hopefully are feeling better, I can only wait with extreme anticipation for my conditioning to continue this coming week. I literally can’t wait to be back kneeling before you in person.
