I’ve had extra time to process this week as my conditioning continues since we met on Tuesday this week. I can only say that I feel like it’s beginning to take hold. There was a period this week while I was chained and locked inside your cage where the hypnotic phrase that you force me to listen to went silent. I immediately felt that there was no one in the room with me. You had left. I was completely alone and I realized in that time that my entire being was totally dependent on you. I didn’t know if you would be back in a few minutes or hours. I still couldn’t see, but I could pick up muffled sounds from outside and could feel subtle vibrations. When I felt you re-enter and the recording start back up, I felt an all new sense of calm with the sound of your voice.
By that time the 2 liters of water you had made me drink were definitely pressing on my bladder. 42 years of waiting until a bathroom was available had me straining to hold it. Even when you started to drip water on me, I still didn’t want to release. It was at that point that the phrase that had been piped into my ears through the headphones seemed to take hold. You began pressing on my bladder and I actually found myself trying to release as you gave me the command “piss your diaper”. I did everything I could to obey your command “without hesitation”. I finally felt something come out.
I also know now that I didn’t complete your order. I certainly didn’t empty my bladder. It seems just three weeks of that conditioning didn’t completely undo the many years of what my body is used to. When you pulled me from the cage and began to massage my prostate while also using the vibrator, I thought for sure I was going to make a mess that comes with an orgasm. I was more than surprised when I expelled what I should have deposited into the diaper when you gave me the initial order. I somehow have a feeling that “phase 4” of this training and beyond is going to address this issue. My body is being re-trained to respond to your voice and not my thoughts. My brain is being told that you are in charge and not me.
A side effect of what occurred is that for the next couple of day simply using the bathroom had a side effect of feeling amazingly similar to making a mess when you force an orgasm. It felt very pleasurable to just do something so simple. I almost heard you voice saying in my head “piss your diaper” every time. This effect wore off after just a couple days as my body adjusted again.
Having now gone from just very loose bondage for 1 hour, to slightly heavier bondage for 2 hours, to even heavier but still not completely restrictive bondage for 3 hours has me wondering just how much more you can pile on and for how long, but I’m really hoping that it means that one day you will tell me that I should make plans to spend a day with you. I look forward to being your totally dehumanized toy, completely trained to just hear your voice and do as commanded and be content. Knowing that I am safe, but have no freedom, no escape, and a single purpose. To keep you happy.
